We women ruin EVERYTHING.

So it's been all over the news that women are increasingly becoming the breadwinners in families.  Well, that's cool, a lot has changed since I was little and...wait, what?  This is a bad thing?  It ruins marriages, makes women abort their babies, and is the reason education is swirling rapidly down the drain? 

Oh.  So it's MY fault.  Who knew?  Well, apparently the folks at Fox News are amongst those who know it's my fault.  **Those who know me know I'm not a fan of Fox News, but the intent of this post is not to bash them. 

Working Women Ruin Marriages

I truly enjoyed watching a clip of Megyn Kelly school two men commentators recently on Fox about this very topic. Kelly challenged Lou Dobbs over his comments attributing women's role in the workplace to marriages "shattering" in society."Why are you attributing that to women in the workforce?" Kelly said, interjecting. Dobbs responded with, "Excuse me. Let me just finish what I was saying, if I may, oh dominant one!" WOW, dude.  Condescend much?? That was such a snide, uncalled for remark. These people were not in the same room when this exchange occurred, which is probably good.  If I had been in Megyn's shoes, I would have lunged for that guy.  It's best I'm not a news anchor or in the public eye in general due to my temper. Mr. Dobbs cited some study, of course, but never really adequately elaborated on his point. (I've found that statistics can be enlightening, or absolutely worthless. It was in grad school when I really learned this, after reading a study in which there was one child subject. How that even got published, I will never know.) With regard to Ms. Kelly,  I may disagree with her on many issues, but she is a hardworking, professional woman. How did I feel about Megyn Kelly this time?  Amen, sister! I actually admired her restraint, although I think Dobbs didn't need much help looking stupid.

With regard to shattering marriages, I know everyone is different, but my career helps sustain my marriage. Financially, you may be thinking.  Nope.  My husband has his own business and is usually home in the early afternoon. As much as I love and adore him, if we spent that much time together every day, we might kill each other.  So...score one for marriage!  Next? 

Single Moms=More Abortions??

Eric Bolling, also a Fox contributor, brought the crazy train around in this direction:  "American family is breaking down. Women are forced to go out, be the breadwinners for families. That's why the number's skewed higher now. Here's another offshoot of that: If you are a single mom, breadwinner of the family, and you get pregnant, aren't we pushing towards more abortions? It seems like we are."

Wait wait wait...what are we talking about here?  Single moms being the primary breadwinners? Isn't that done out of necessity, isn't that common sense?  And it's not always the case my any means, but why does this brick wall of blame all topple over on top of the moms?  Why are they single moms?  Maybe the dads split, or are deceased, or are in jail, or were abusive, or were never involved in their child's life in the first place. And it's the single mom's fault?   Bread winning moms are going to have more abortions?  Aye, carumba. Here are just a few points to prove this dude WRONG, and wrong is the nicest word I can think of:

• The single moms that I know aren't really even into dating, let alone sex. It's not that they don't want to eventually find another partner to share their lives with, it's that they have no TIME.  Raising kids solo must be insane, I don't know how some of my friends do it.
• Why does being a single mom equate to being an irresponsible, uneducated trollop? Are they just gallivanting about, having sex with whomever? 
• Let's take a single mom, for argument's sake, who is very sexually active.  Y'know, they have this new earth-shattering thing out now, that's fairly easy to access.  It's called BIRTH CONTROL.

The undertone of what this guy said was pretty damn insidious, I can picture who he's thinking of. I have worked with single moms who have numerous children and they seem unaware of how they came to be.  I've used this analogy before...some women wake up pregnant in the same way the rest of us wake up with a pimple. "Whoa...that wasn't there yesterday!" I'm truly not trying to be judgmental, and I haven't walked in their shoes.  However, I have enough experience in my profession to be able to reference several women like this. They break my heart. BUT, more importantly for this particular point, these women aren't working. So there that is. 

It's the height of arrogance and tremendously insulting to suggest that having more single moms who are the ones bringing home the bacon (duh) will lead to more abortions. We are half of the WORLD.  How can Mr. Bolling know women so well? What a gift he must have, to be able to know the habits and intentions of every single working mother out there.  Ug...again, NEXT??? 

Education is Failing Because Mommy Works

Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant was participating in a Washington Post Live event focused on the importance of ensuring that children read well by the end of third grade. In response to a question about how America became “so mediocre” in regard to educational outcomes, he said "I think both parents started working. And the mom is in the work place."  Interesting.  I'm a full time working mom who works in the schools, so I have some opinions about this mindset. I will acquiesce that in order for children to do well in school, they have to have parent involvement.  This does not mean it has to be mom only, nor does it mean that the parents can't work outside the home. Kids need a parent (or another caregiver) to read with them, check their backpacks, and supervise homework. It's monumentally important to show up to their school events, although I know how hard that can be for a lot of working folks. The main thing that children in school need are reliable adults around them to instill the notion that school is important.  The family should be in a partnership with the school, but that doesn't equate to mom having to be a housewife.

Education isn't where it should be in this country, I don't think anyone could dispute that. However, I can think of at least a dozen other reasons that education isn't doing well in America.

• Education in this country is horribly underfunded, and when cuts are made, education gets slashed first. A number of amazing programs are grant funded, which means they can vanish in a heartbeat.
• Teaching is an incredibly difficult gig, and they aren't paid what they deserve. They get very little respect these days. The amount of abuse that some of my favorite teachers have to endure by unruly parents would truly shock most people.
• There are horrible teachers out there. Again, I try not to judge, but this time I am. I have witnessed and heard awful, shocking things that teachers have said to parents and students. I know of situations in which the teachers do very, very little. Guess what? With only two years to tenure, once that is established it's nearly impossible to let a teacher go. I could name a number of fire-able offenses that I know of, because people tell me stuff. In the private sector, these folks would be gone. 

To Work or Not To Work?

**Disclaimer: I have many friends who are amazing people who have chosen to stay at home and raise their children. Yes, all moms are working moms, and many of them find side jobs that they can do from home. I love y'all and you know who you are.

I could not stay home to raise our kids if we hit the lottery. I am not creative. I don't scrapbook (I'm being serious, not mean). I am not particularly ambitious or good at thinking up cool things to go do.  It is VERY easy for me to stagnate and once a couple of days have passed and I've just been ambling about my house, it's common for depression to follow. I don't know why, I'm jacked up!  So...work provides structure for me, mandatory structure.  I need it for my own mental well-being.  If I don't take care of my own mental well-being, I'm not as good of a mom.  There's the added bonus of a good salary and health benefits for my family, and once in awhile, I do feel like I'm helping people and doing my part to help the children in my midst. I adore my co-workers, and I'm a social person.  I truly enjoy being around people most of the time. Staying home just wouldn't have been the right fit for me and our family, and I don't think that's a bad thing to admit.

I make more money than Mike does, so I guess I'd fall under this "breadwinner" banner. Mike also has absolutely no student loans, so if you really boiled it all down, we're probably fairly even. Bringing home a bigger check has never been an issue for us. I didn't to graduate school for the glory of it! I went because I had to in order to have the career I've now had for 16 years. It was a means to an end and despite the burnout and the stress, I do know that I'm doing what I'm meant to do.  I still want to write though!

Being a mom that works full time outside the home is incredibly hard.  It was actually harder when the kids were babies. I took three months off with Maddie and four with Stephen when they were born. As much as I did love having that bonding time with them, I also started to go batty, especially since newborns have such a schedule!  It wasn't as though I could plan that much anyway, and I was terrified I'd screw something up.  Once I did go back to work, leaving my baby in the care of someone else kind of felt like lopping my own arm off, and nothing was worse than hearing my child cry and knowing that I had to leave.  There were many, many teary commutes in those days.  Then, being exposed to other kids, they start getting sick, like ALL the time.  What followed was usually the argument about whose day was more important and who could take the time off from work. I still feel like my kiddos want ME when they're sick. It's entirely possible I'm wrong, but I think it anyway. So is it hard?  GOD, yes.  But, to quote my mom, "you can do hard things."

My mom was a big time feminist in the 70's when I was coming up and worked outside of the home a lot. I wish she'd been around more, I could have used some supervision for sure! However, what came out of that for me was resilience and independence, and the knowledge that I could pretty much handle myself no matter what happened. You know those kids who are totally over-protected, the ones who have "helicopter moms"? That was as far removed from my experience as a child as you could imagine. So yeah! I wanted her around more, and with my own children, I'm home by 4 or 5. I intentionally pass up evening activities with church or friends in order to be there for their evening routine. I think that's really important.  One time my mom said to me, in regard to working and raising children, "Oh, I remember those days! It's like running in a marathon that never ends."  YES. I can't think of a better analogy, that is exactly what it feels like. 

Working with children for 16 years and then coming home to mine is also exhausting, but it's worth it. I know my children's teachers well, I know who all of their friends are, and get up to the minute updates of all the 6th grade girl drama. That last one makes my eyes cross most of the time, but I still listen. I recently realized that our son wasn't exactly killing it when it came to spelling, so I started to quiz him.  He improved dramatically and I should have done it sooner. I think in our particular situation, it helps that I'm in education in the same district they attend. They are both aware that they can't make a negative move without me finding out about it and there being pure hell to pay.

We are incredibly blessed and in a very unique situation. I work 37.5 hours a week (but of course it ends up being more than that).  I know working parents who work 50-60 hours a week and commute daily to San Francisco, which is two hours each way with decent traffic.  My heart goes out to them, I can't imagine it. They don't get to see their children as much as I do, some of them don't even get to tuck their children in at night.  Mike is home when our kids get out of school, and he starts them on their homework and checks in on their day. So far, we are lucky to have children who do great in school and pick up new information relatively well.  How often does this type of scenario happen? I can go on field trips, I can run over to the school for an awards assembly and it's no big deal. Another amazing stroke of luck is the fact that I live within ten minutes of the schools I service, as well as my own children's school.  Our deal is not typical, and I acknowledge that and am beyond grateful.

For all of these gifts that I have been given, I am sure of one thing as a working mom.  Well, I'm sure of several things.  If something awful ever happened and I became a single mom, it's unlikely that it would be due to Mike leaving because I have a job. If I ever become a single mom, I will not suddenly become a self-involved floozy who indiscriminately begins having unprotected sex which would lead to several abortions. If I ever become a single mom, you best believe that my children would not suddenly earn F's and drop out of school. 

The family unit, however it looks, is incredibly important to our country and our future. However, I take major offense to the notion that I'm the one destroying it due to the fact I have a career. Take it easy on the women, folks.  Our lives are hard enough.