Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Deep Thoughts....by Jane Edel (this is ironic for those who don't get the SNL reference!)

So I really need to write more, but I become easily discouraged when I try to think of a subject. I won't do political stuff because I get too riled up and too easily provoked into mean-spirited bickering.  It takes a lot for me to publicly get onto my soapbox...it happens, but it still takes a lot.  The other things that I think of sometimes seem either too whiny, too self-indulgent (aren't all blogs this??), or too boring. So I psych myself out and chicken out and write nothing and that sucks. So here is another stream of consciousness list of nothing particularly important...

  • Despite the fact that I am a vain person, I do enjoy roughing it on occasion. It was freeing in Mexico, to not care about my face, hair, or clothes. And I don't think the people I was with or the people we helped gave a rip about how I looked.
  • I am on the coconut oil bandwagon. It truly is incredible stuff and I don't even like the smell of it.
  • My belief system is rock solid, but I can't give a lot of attention towards what I think others would expect me to do. Example: If you TELL me I should boycott something or somewhere, I am not likely to. I think if I knew all the ins and outs of every corporation in America, I wouldn't end up shopping anywhere. And not shopping would make me sad.
  • I think, while well intended, there is an arrogance that goes along with some mission work. I didn't see it on the trip I just went on, but was hyper-aware. Those amazing people didn't "need" our help because they're brown-skinned and poorer than we are. They appeared to appreciate it for sure, but I am in no way above them. I met a mom in Mexico with the three most precious, well-behaved, gorgeous children ever. I HOPE I'm even a little bit like her! Her kids may be better behaved than mine...
  • I don't like getting older. I like the mental part of it, as far as being more solid in who I am and not feeling like I have to censor myself much, but the physical part blows. I'm not a fan of fatigue, gray hair, and my impending Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis that I continue to dodge. I want to stay young looking and feeling! 
  • My teenage daughter frightens me. She scares me with her intelligence and talent, her humor and compassion. But mostly she scares me because I can't see the future and I don't know what will happen. Kids have to make mistakes in order to learn, but giving both of my kids the leeway to do this is incredibly hard.
  • I'm always a little taken aback when people don't appreciate my sense of humor because I think I'm hilarious.  But I have come to the conclusion that I'm pretty odd. Odder still is the fact that I really enjoy being odd.
  • I hate kale. I tried. It still tastes like shrubbery to me.
  • I no longer miss alcohol at all. I did for a very long time, but I do not anymore! The smell of my friend's Heineken this past weekend was beyond vile to me. I sometimes glimpse the life we would have had if we had kept drinking and it makes my blood run cold.
  • It saddens me beyond comprehension that our society seems to jump all over the whack-job religious folks like it's going out of style, but they rarely focus on the good things faith can do. This is for ALL faiths. I'm weary of religion being something at which society throws tomatoes. I do think that good deeds of any kind are best done quietly, but maybe we all need to get louder.
  • I hate Dr. Oz.  He is a total schmuck and if I see one more enormous model of a woman's fat torso on his stage, I may lose it. And for the women gladly going on stage to display their cellulite and have him tell them what they're doing wrong? SHAME ON YOU! 
  • Now that I have a child who is becoming a musician, I am blown away by how complicated music is! I've loved it and music has been a huge part of my life for ALL my life, but I've never thought about how the hell they figure out how things will sound good together. It's a mystery to me. It also makes me think that there is a big section of brain I never developed.
  • I'm realizing that I have helped more kids over the years than I originally imagined I did. It's a strange realization, and still not a comfortable one, but nothing is more important to me than knowing I helped. 
  • I'm always surprised by the fact that some young people really seem to like me. What if they find out how lame I am??
  • I am amazed, AMAZED at how strong the love is within my friendships. The longer I have the friends I do, and the more we all go through together, the more convinced I am that I would do absolutely anything for any of them. A lot of it is tough stuff, but the bond is that much stronger.
  • I watch way too many repeats of Friends. 
  • I will forever be fascinated by dysfunction, addiction, and sociopathy. I suppose this is a good thing, considering my profession, but I wonder sometimes if it's a healthy interest. I know others who are also drawn to the madness, and they're all brilliant, so there you go!
  • I am a fan of not working. Couldn't do it forever, but 6 more weeks sounds MIGHTY GOOD!

That's it for now.  I do not presume to be horribly interesting, I just needed to shake out my brain