My beautiful first born turned 11 a couple of days ago. The kind of young lady that she is turning into is difficult to put into words. I suppose I’ll start with the typical, braggy stuff that parents who get on my nerves tend to do in excess. Let's just get that out of the way.
Madeline is in the 5th grade and has all A’s. She scored fantastically on the state academic tests. She recently received an award at the district level for a poster she designed in our district’s attendance campaign. She’s a Girl Scout. She’s in student council. She’s currently a brown belt in karate and has recently taken it upon herself to try out for the basketball team, and made it. These are all wonderful things, and I’d be lying if I said that these accomplishments didn’t fill me with pride. However, these accomplishments are far from the most amazing things about her, or the most precious.
My daughter is fearless. I have no idea where her confidence has emerged from, but it’s truly wonderful to behold. This child had never seen a game of basketball in her life, as her father and I aren’t really sports enthusiasts. She didn’t know the rules of the game, she had no idea how it’s played. However, she called me on my cell phone one afternoon and asked if she could try out for the team at her school. I thought to myself, “Sure, she should be given the chance. She probably won’t make it, but that would be a good experience for her as well.” Well, she made the team. They haven’t played a game yet, and she bellyaches a little about the workouts, but she’s sticking with it. I have no idea if this will become something she loves, but the point is that she wasn’t scared to try. When she was in 1st or 2nd grade, she took part in a school wide fund raising run. It was just around the track on the campus, nothing marathon worthy or overly challenging. However, while she was running, she tripped and fell flat on her face. As a result of her fall, several children ran over her while Mike and I stood on the other side of the field and watched. She was a little thing, probably 7 years old. Did she stop and run across the field to us? Nope. She did cry, as she legitimately got hurt. However, she stood up, dusted herself off, and kept running, finishing the run with tears streaming across her face. This child is not afraid of anything, and has this incredible perseverance. First time snorkeling at age 8? Not a problem, she dove into the ocean with her daddy and saw everything there was to see. When I was 10 and 11 years old, I remember feeling afraid of everything. I’ve spent a good portion of my life thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn’t try new things. I truly have no idea where this fearlessness of hers comes from.
My daughter is a rule follower and has a crazy, intense sense of right and wrong. Sometimes she takes it too far, but I admire her steadfastness in this area. While at the movies for her birthday, she walked down a couple rows to inform me that her friends would not stop talking. I reassured her that it was still the previews, and it would be fine. When the movie was over, she and another friend came up and informed me, outraged, that someone in front of them had been recording the entire movie on their phone. “Should we call the police?” they asked. Well, no. I doubt that a pirated copy of the newest Chipmunks film, shoddily recorded from the back row would give the police a major cause for concern. They have bigger fish to fry this time of year. Recently, she came home from a neighborhood birthday party that she attended with her little brother. Another party guest, an 8 year old, said something incredibly inappropriate to her, of a sexual nature. She was upset when she came home, and told us about it immediately. We asked how she handled it, and she said that she told him he was too young to be speaking that way, and told the adult in charge. I told her she handled it perfectly. She said, “I don’t get it. Why does he even know what that is, he’s only 8!” I explained that some parents don’t care what their kids watch on TV and don’t take the time to teach them appropriate manners. She shook her head in dismay and said, “Well, I’m sure glad that YOU guys did!”
My daughter is an entrepreneur and is incredibly creative. Her love of animals has been there since day one, and that may be one thing she’s gotten from me. But she’s taken it a step further. She decided to start her own pet-sitting service, and has business cards, t-shirts, and a hat. She designed the logo and the cards herself, in addition to her company slogan, “Making your pets happy, one paw at a time.” She has a few clients. When she helped to dog-sit for a good friend of mine and was finished with the job, she didn’t just leave a bill, she left a behavioral chart! This chart had how the dog behaved, illustrated by happy faces, what the dog’s activities were, and what he ate and drank, as well as how much. It cracked me up, but also left me in a state of awe. Yes, I use behavioral charts and plans at work all the time, but I rarely bring those home or talk about them. She came up with all of this on her own.
My daughter has incredible faith and compassion. With this, I’m not even sure where to begin. Regarding the faith, we’ve taken her to church since she was a baby. However, we don’t force it down her throat. I’ve always felt strongly about laying the foundation with our children, but ultimately they need to come to God in their own way. It’s a personal thing, and it’s our job to expose them, share our own experiences, and encourage them to share theirs. As adults, it will be up to them to ultimately decide what they believe and how they’ll lead their life. However, at least so far, Madeline gets it. She prays, she thinks a lot about people who have less than she does, and she wants to make the world a better place. She recently went on an excursion with her girl scout troop to bring food to a needy couple. The couple was elderly, and only spoke Spanish. The wife was incredibly appreciative, and told them all that she thanks God for the girls. Once that was translated into English, Madeline burst into tears. Several months back, she wanted to volunteer at a concert our church was involved in, which is helping to build and fund a home for girls rescued from sex trafficking. She is mature for her age, and does understand what that is. When the songs were performed and a video was shown, she cried buckets and absolutely CLUNG to me. On the way home, she kept saying, “I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt a little girl.” I explained that most people who do that are sick, and were probably hurt themselves at some point. Without missing a beat, she said, “Then we should pray for them too, right?” I was absolutely floored by this. “Yes, honey. They need it to.” About a month ago, she shared with me that a friend of hers was having a hard time with her parents being divorced. In addition to this, her friend shared that her father was gay, and wanted to know if Madeline thought that was “weird.” Madeline asked her if her daddy was a good man and if he was nice to her. The answer to this was “yes.” She replied, “Then it doesn’t matter if he’s gay. My Poppa was gay, but he was a good daddy. All that matters is that your dad loves you.” WOW.
This morning, I’m sitting around in my pajamas, kinda crabby for my own reasons. She approached me a little while ago and said, “Am I old enough to volunteer?” Of course you are! She talked about helping at the animal shelter, or taking clothes to kids who don’t have enough. We have to plan for this, I explained, we can’t just show up at the SPCA or grab a bell for the Salvation Army. I promised her we would figure something out. She said, “I just keep getting the feeling that I’m supposed to help. I wake up in the morning thinking about it.” WHERE did this child come from??
This is not to say that she isn’t the typical pre-teen. She does her fair share of whining, rolling her eyes, and bursting into inexplicable moody tears. She tortures her younger brother. She complained at length when I wouldn’t let her download music onto her new Ipod that’s unfamiliar to me without previewing the lyrics first. “God, mom! I’m 11 years old, I can handle it!” Mmmm, no you can’t. I’m doing my job, and don’t need you listening to filth any sooner than you need to. Soon enough, this editing of her life and protecting her from things will start to wane. I won’t be able to control everything, my days are numbered in a way.
In my profession, I always attribute a child’s success to their parents and their teachers. It’s a natural thing, and I say it with total conviction. However, when it comes to our own child, I’m less sure. She HAS had top notch teachers, and I know that’s helped tremendously. We have a wonderful extended family. However, is she this incredible creature because of us? It just can’t be. At 11, I was smart, I was mature…that’s about where I see the similarities ceasing. I had no confidence, motivation, leadership skills, or creativity. I was generally afraid of most things and always confused about the world around me. Thus far, we’ve managed to raise a girl who is the exact opposite. I can't even imagine what she'll become as she grows older. Our job for the next decade or so will be to support her in all of her endeavors and to try to make sure she has as many opportunities to try new things as possible, while keeping her grounded.
I don’t know what we did to become blessed by this girl, but I’ll accept it! I don’t take it for granted, and I thank Jesus every day for my beautiful girl. There is no better gift than that.
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